齐云 发表于 2018-12-16 14:23:27

The Ghost幽灵

本帖最后由 齐云 于 2018-12-29 09:38 编辑

The Ghost

By Sara Tealsdale

I went back to the clanging city,
I went back where my old loves stayed,
    But my heart was full of my new love's glory,
My eyes were laughing and unafraid.

I met one who had loved me madly
And told his love for all to hear—
    But we talked of a thousand things together,
The past was buried too deep to fear.

I met the other, whose love was given
With never a kiss and scarcely a word—
    Oh, it was then the terror took me
Of words unuttered that breathed and stirred.

Oh, love that lives its life with laughter
Or love that lives its life with tears
    Can die—but love that is never spoken
Goes like a ghost through the winding years. . . .

I went back to the clanging city,
I went back where my old loves stayed,
    My heart was full of my new love's glory,
—But my eyes were suddenly afraid.

幽灵(律式音节诗)

文/莎拉•蒂斯黛尔译/齐云

我曾经回到喧嚣的城市
   那里还住着几位旧情
我心中充斥新欢的丰姿
   故目无所惧含笑盈盈

遇到了一位曾为我疯狂
   逢人就说他的恋爱
我们在一起能言谈欢畅
   旧情不复往日深埋

又遇着一位也情根深种
   未曾一吻且几乎无语
哦,无言,喘息,骚动
   我怎么能不担心恐惧

哦,爱能带着欢笑长生
   爱也会和着泪水死亡
但是那从来沉默的爱情
   像幽灵穿越幽远时光

我曾经回到喧嚣的城市
   那里还住着几位旧情
我心中充斥新欢的丰姿
   但双眼募然惊恐莫名


译后记:这位女诗人很有意思吧。情感细腻,善于捕捉独特的瞬间的心态,再鲜活地表现出来。


孙逐明 发表于 2018-12-16 15:34:49

  格律形式翻译得不错,但感觉“我”字出现太多,显得累赘。要参加比赛,文字还需进一步锤炼。

齐云 发表于 2018-12-16 19:15:03

本帖最后由 齐云 于 2018-12-16 21:39 编辑

不是参赛,就是自己译着开心。但逐明兄既然有这个感觉,就是译作汉语不纯粹,我略作改动,把首尾节的我由三个减至两个。
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