齐云选译蒂斯黛尔诗二十首（二）
本帖最后由 齐云 于 2019-2-20 09:00 编辑Dooryard Roses
I have come the selfsame path
To the selfsame door,
Years have left the roses there
Burning as before
While I watch them in the wind
Quick the hot tears start－
Strange so frail a flame outlasts
Fire in the heart.
前院玫瑰
走过相同小路
步入一样院门
经年玫瑰几株
花开依旧缤纷
凝视风中玫瑰
难禁热泪瞬间
红花如此脆危
犹胜心头火焰
译后记：这是我最爱的蒂斯黛尔诗作之一，小诗之美、之妙，让我有个美妙的己亥年初四夜晚（翻译时间），因为它道出了我曾经有过但没有寻到合适意象传达的感受：纵使什么条件都没有变化，仅仅时间就足以改变爱情。
Wild Asters
In the spring I asked the daisies
If his words were true,
And the clever, clear-eyed daisies
Always knew.
Now the fields are brown and barren,
Bitter autumn blows,
And of all the stupid asters
Not one knows.
野菊花
我问过，他的话
哪句真，哪句假
春天里，野菊花
多聪明，总回答
秋风寒，百花杀
田园衰，不堪画
我再问，野菊花
呆呆的，不回答
译后记：原作略含忧伤的童话风格（所以它是好诗，而非童谣），让我想起用这样的诗句翻译。一旦确定句式，译起来就快了，这让我相信，译诗有时也靠灵感。
Like Barley Bending
Like barley bending
In low fields by the sea,
Singing in hard wind
Ceaselessly.
Like barley bending
And rising again,
So would I, unbroken
Rise from pain;
So would I softly,
Day long, night long,
Change my sorrow
Into song.
大麦歌
大麦低伏
在海边洼地
怒风中大麦歌声
从未停息
大麦低伏
又昂扬挺立
我也将不再支离
痛中奋起
不舍昼夜
我也要这般
把苦难柔柔化作
长歌不断
译后记：多年前在网络上看到朱令案件的介绍及朱令在李敖译作基本上对此诗的翻译，印象深刻。后又见到郭沫若等多个名家此诗的白话译作，都累赘地、固执地把“like”等词译出来，还不如李、朱的文言译诗汉语味道纯正，所以不惭浅陋以律式音节诗形式译出此诗。
Four Winds
“Four winds blowing thro' the sky,
You have seen poor maidens die,
Tell me then what I shall do
That my lover may be true.”
Said the wind from out the south,
“Lay no kiss upon his mouth,”
And the wind from out the west,
“Wound the heart within his breast,”
And the wind from out the east,
“Send him empty from the feast,”
And the wind from out the north,
“In the tempest thrust him forth,
When thou art more cruel than he,
Then will Love be kind to thee.”
四面来风
“四面的风萦回穹顶
你们见惯少女殉情
你们可有秘方一份
让我找到真心爱人”
南来的风言之谆谆
“千万不要与他接吻”
西来的风另有高论
“伤他的心一定要深”
东来的风有言相赠
“不能让他聚会得逞”
唯有北风声色俱厉
“把他推入暴风雨里
比他更狠更加无情
他才对你奉献心灵”
译后记：本次选译的二十首诗，有数首这样的篇幅很短、语言精美、颇具戏剧性的作品，反映了女诗人高超的对诗歌语言的把握能力。
The Poor house
HOPE went by and Peace went by
And would not enter in;
Youth went by and Health went by
And Love that is their kin.
Those within the house shed tears
On their bitter bread;
Some were old and some were mad,
And some were sick a-bed.
Gray Death saw the wretched house
And even he passed by—
“They have never lived,” he said,
“They can wait to die.”
救济所
希望走过，安宁走过
都不愿意进来坐坐
青春走过，健康走过
两者亲戚爱又如何
屋内的人泪珠滴落
手中面包又冷又涩
有人疯癫有人老弱
还有几人病床长卧
路过死神一身灰色
看见房屋这般破落
对不幸人幽幽地说：
“从未活者，一心盼我”
译后记：本译最大亮点是将原作最后两行压缩成一行八个字表达，且其间张力更胜原作。
喜欢，全部以格律体新诗的形式译出。尤其是野菊花，可吟可歌，中国风甚浓。使人真能体会到译诗是一种再创作！ 这段时间论坛门可罗雀，又没什么英语书可看，便也来重温齐云兄的译作。
齐云兄在生命的最后几个月，高质高产地翻译了英语诗歌一百多首。绝大部分都译成了律式音节诗，不仅声律之美远超原作，其内涵也在忠于原作的基础上，有动人的发挥。我个人认为，这些精美的译作不仅已成为我坛的经典，也将成为新诗翻译史上的经典。齐云兄生命的句号虽然划得太过匆忙，却也划得非常惊艳！
柳渡 发表于 2019-10-29 14:09
这段时间论坛门可罗雀，又没什么英语书可看，便也来重温齐云兄的译作。
齐云兄在生命的最后几个月 ...
同感。
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