齐云选译蒂斯黛尔诗二十首（四）
本帖最后由 齐云 于 2019-2-20 15:25 编辑Thoughts
When I can make my thoughts come forth
To walk like ladies up and down,
Each one puts on before the glass
Her most becoming hat and gown.
But oh, the shy and eager thoughts
That hide and will not get them dressed,
Why is it that they always seem
So much more lovely than the rest?
思想
把我的思想召唤出来
如诸位女士即将外巡
每一个都要对镜穿戴
挑选合身的衣帽长裙
那些惯会隐藏的思想
羞怯热情却拒绝打扮
为什么她们素面徜徉
却比其他更让我喜欢
译后记：原诗四步抑扬格，偶行韵。弗洛依德通过临床观察理性分析建立精神分析理论，而女诗人通过直觉得到同样结论。
The Look
Strephon kissed me in the spring,
Robin in the fall,
But Colin only looked at me
And never kissed at all.
Strephon's kiss was lost in jest,
Robin's lost in play,
But the kiss in Colin's eyes
Haunts me night and day.
目光
史风春晨，罗宾秋昏
二人曾经吻我
柯林从未索求一吻
仅以目光看过
史风失真，罗宾打诨
其吻已然失落
唯有柯林目光之吻
日夜纠缠出没
译后记：原作用语简单易懂，惜乎译作未能保留原作语言风格。但希望较严的格律、新奇的句式、精密的韵脚能增加诗意，有所补偿。
The Fountain
All through the deep blue night
The fountain sang alone;
It sang to the drowsy heart
Of the satyr carved in stone.
The fountain sang and sang,
But the satyr never stirred—
Only the great white moon
In the empty heaven heard.
The fountain sang and sang
While on the marble rim
The milk-white peacocks slept,
And their dreams were strange and dim.
Bright dew was on the grass,
And on the ilex, dew,
The dreamy milk-white birds
Were all a-glisten, too
The fountain sang and sang
The things one cannot tell:
The dreaming peacocks stirred
And the gleaming dew-drops fell.
喷泉
整个深蓝的晚上
喷泉孤独地歌唱
唱给大理石雕像
林神昏睡的心房
喷泉的歌声悠扬
动不了林神心肠
唯空中皎洁月亮
听见了歌声消涨
喷泉的歌声洋洋
大理石雕像之旁
白孔雀睡得正香
梦境也奇怪渺茫
草叶上露珠明亮
冬青树披露带霜
乳白孔雀的梦乡
全都闪闪地发光
喷泉在依然歌唱
歌中却不能声张：
孔雀的梦境摇晃
闪亮的露珠滴淌
译后记：男诗人的情诗与政治诗有时难以区分，比如李商隐的情诗，又如屈原的香草美人。女诗人基本上天生不关心似是与己无关的政治，其诗中象征，十有八九离不开爱情，只不过表达得特别委婉时，读者需曲径探幽，一旦明白，则别有一种豁然开朗的美感：原来诗歌意象的象征，丝丝入扣，丝毫不爽！以此诗为例，译者以为，喷泉象征单恋着林神的女性，听见了恋歌的明月可以为证，彻夜的恋歌，昏昏欲睡的林神无动于衷，却感动了同样入睡的白孔雀，草叶和冬青树为之一洒同情之泪。
Spring Rain
I thought I had forgotten,
But it all came back again
To-night with the first spring thunder
In a rush of rain.
I remembered a darkened doorway
Where we stood while the storm swept by,
Thunder gripping the earth
And lightning scrawled on the sky.
The passing motor busses swayed,
For the street was a river of rain,
Lashed into little golden waves
In the lamp light's stain.
With the wild spring rain and thunder
My heart was wild and gay;
Your eyes said more to me that night
Than your lips would ever say…
I thought I had forgotten,
But it all came back again
To-night with the first spring thunder
In a rush of rain.
春雨
以为早已经忘记
第一声春雷响起
今夜的滂沱大雨
勾起我往昔回忆
门道旁风骤雨急
黑暗中我们拥立
雷声震撼着大地
闪电划破了天际
马路上积水成河
汽车都摇晃而过
经过灯光的照射
激起了金色水波
春雨和春雷狂落
我心也狂野欢乐
你的唇喃喃诉说
你的眼说得更多
以为早已经忘记
第一声春雷响起
今夜的滂沱大雨
勾起我往昔回忆
译后记：因为密韵的韵式一目了然，此诗诗行排列不是按韵式，而是按凸显诗行节奏的方式，同样节奏的诗行行前空格一样。
At Night
Love said, "Wake still and think of me,"
Sleep, "Close your eyes till break of day,"
But Dreams came by and smilingly
Gave both to Love and Sleep their way.
夜
爱说：保持清醒不停想我
睡说：闭眼直到黎明时刻
然而，最终二者各得其乐
因为，呵呵微笑的梦来了
译后记：原诗四步抑扬，交韵。这首短诗，犹如精致的七绝，四行分别起着起、承、转、合的作用，中西四行诗结构方面有暗合之处。
凸显节奏而排列诗行，很有道理。我们的格律构架，节奏比韵脚更重要吧。受启发了 聿归 发表于 2019-2-22 13:47
凸显节奏而排列诗行，很有道理。我们的格律构架，节奏比韵脚更重要吧。受启发了
的确节奏比韵脚更重要，特别是半逗律不易识别，尤其需要诗歌排列给出暗示。 齐云兄勤勉，成果多多。
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