齐云选译蒂斯黛尔诗二十首（三）
本帖最后由 齐云 于 2019-2-22 09:20 编辑Maiden
Oh if I were the velvet rose
Upon the red rose vine,
I'd climb to touch his window
And make his casement fine.
And if I were the little bird
That twitters on the tree,
All day I'd sing my love for him
Till he should harken me.
But since I am a maiden
I go with downcast eyes,
And he will never hear the songs
That he has turned to sighs.
And since I am a maiden
My love will never know
That I could kiss him with a mouth
More red than roses blow.
少女
我若是一朵丝绒玫瑰
就会顺蔓攀缘
一直攀缘到他的窗扉
将他窗扉装点
我若是一只惹怜小鸟
就会呢喃树间
吟唱着爱情暮暮朝朝
一直到他听见
可我是一名羞涩少女
低眉掩饰心理
他不能听到我的心曲
只能背后叹息
我是名少女应该清纯
可惜爱人不懂
我愿以柔唇将他亲吻
唇比玫瑰更红
译后记：“青青子衿，悠悠我心。纵我不往，子宁不嗣音？”以之相印，中、美古今少女的心事，大同小异，同样美丽。译诗首节的顶针修辞，是超水平发挥，是译作亮点。另，提请读者注意，玫瑰并非藤蔓植物，不会攀爬，但原诗首节误将玫瑰当作藤蔓植物。
Autumn Dusk
I saw above a sea of hills
A solitary planet shine,
And there was no one near or far
To keep the world from being mine.
秋日黄昏
如海的群山之上
有一颗孤星闪熠
四下里全无人迹
我独有无垠天地
译后记：与中国古典诗歌相较，西方诗歌篇幅较长，缺乏意境。但蒂斯黛尔诗歌多数诗作篇幅短，颇合中国诗歌风格，这首四行小诗意境寂寥深远，更是具有浓农的“中国味”。
I Would Live In Your Love
I would live in your love as the sea-grasses live in the sea,
Borne up by each wave as it passes, drawn down by each wave that recedes;
I would empty my soul of the dreams that have gathered in me,
I would beat with your heart as it beats, I would follow your soul as it leads.
与爱共生
我愿与你的爱共生，如同海草活在海中
潮涨之时我也振奋，潮落之时我也消沉
我愿把心一清而空，放弃往昔追逐的梦
让我心脏与你共振，让我灵魂随你灵魂
译后记：长诗行，仅押尾韵是不够的。
The Song For Colin
I sang a song at dusking time
Beneath the evening star,
And Terence left his latest rhyme
To answer from afar.
Pierror laid down his lute to weep,
And signed,“She sings for me,”
But Colin slept a careless sleep
Beneath an apple tree.
致柯林
傍晚的天空金星出现
我唱起一首歌谣
特伦斯放下新作诗篇
在远处吟哦回报
皮埃尔遗琴泣歌以答：
“有美兮为余咏唱”
然而在一株苹果树下
柯林呢，睡得正香
译后记：原文奇行四步抑扬，偶行三步抑扬，交韵。八行小诗，不仅格律严格，而且是一篇精短的轻喜剧，每两行写一个人，用诗的语言写人物、场景、动作、对话，并构成喜剧性冲突：别有人兮人慕予，予慕君兮君不知。作者笔力如何，此篇可见一斑。皮埃尔既为人名，也有错误的含义，泰伦斯和柯林两个人名，估计也另有意思，就如《红楼梦》中侥幸嫁入官宦之家的丫环名叫娇杏一样。柯林大约是死者，埋在苹果树下，但我更愿意认为他是生者，不解风情，在苹果树下真的酣睡，这样才是纯喜剧。the evening star，亦名the Venus金星，也是爱神维纳斯。
Let It Be You
Let it be you who lean above me
On my last day,
Let it be you who shut my eyelids
Forever and aye.
Say a “Good-night” as you have said it
All of these years,
With the old look, with the old whisper
And without tears.
You will know then all that in silence
You always knew,
Though I have loved, I loved no other
As I love you.
就让你来
就让你来俯看我的容颜
在我死前
就让你来轻阖我的双眼
永远永远
道一声晚安你多次叮咛
一如往昔
熟悉的低语同样的神情
不要哭泣
就像以前你将会明白
无言之意
自始至终唯一的最爱
一直是你
译后记：无论中外，多有诗人领悟，长短对比的收缩句式最能增强阴柔的情绪。这首诗长短句里的音节数目差距成倍，这个比例恰到好处。诗人心灵如此敏感，情深不寿，为之叹惋！
《与爱共生》的第一句能否这样：我愿共生与你的爱，或者与你的爱我愿共生。如此全诗都成了四字顿。 这几首我都很喜欢，很感人。最后一首估计是含着泪水写成的吧。
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