标题: 重译I years had been from home [打印本页]

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作者: 齐云    时间: 2012-12-6 16:41     标题: 重译I years had been from home

I years had been from home（By Emily Dickinson）

I years had been from home,
And now, before the door
I dared not open, lest a face
I never saw before.

Stare vacant into mine
And ask my business there.
My business,——just a life I left,
Was such still dwelling there?

I fumbled at my nerve,
I scanned the windows near;
The silence like an ocean rolled,  
And broke against my ear.

I laughed a wooden laugh
That I could fear a door,
Who danger and the dead had faced,
But never quaked before.

I fitted to the latch
My hand, with trembling care,  
Lest back the awful door should spring,
And leave me standing there.

I moved my fingers off  
As cautiously as glass,
And held my ears, and like a thief
Fled gasping from the house.


近家情更怯（作者：艾米丽·狄更生）

故居已离开很久，
今天又站在屋前，
不敢敲门，很害怕看到
一副陌生的容颜。

怕被茫然地注视，
问我有什么事情。
有什么事情——我的往昔
这里可留下踪影？

我试着鼓足勇气，
打量附近的窗棂，
震荡耳边的，是那海洋
一样翻腾的寂静。

对屋门感到恐惧，
我嘲笑这个笑话，
危险和死亡都曾经面对，
也没有如此害怕。

伸手抚摸着门锁，
紧张得手都颤抖，
唯恐这屋门突然打开，
无凭依独立门口。

手指轻轻地移走，
小心如挪动玻璃，
捂住耳朵，我象个小偷
喘着气逃离故居。

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作者: 马上    时间: 2012-12-9 15:39

以译文中的如下两节，似乎形成了一个对比，那么前一节第三行的断行的处理不及后一节那么流畅：

我试着鼓足勇气，
打量附近的窗棂，
震荡耳边的，是那海洋——如象下面一节那样处理感觉更合理，下一行再做斟酌：象海洋一样/**翻腾的寂静
一样翻腾的寂静。

手指轻轻地移走，
小心如挪动玻璃，
捂住双耳，象小偷一样
喘着气逃离故居。

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