译卜白《不要问我写诗为什么》

齐云

不要问我写诗为什么

文/卜白

不要问我写诗为什么
一定要问就去问汨罗
骚人屈子九死犹未悔
香草美人永在我心窝

不要问我写诗为什么
一定要问就去问彭泽
梦里桃源处处清平事
愿伴陶令醉唱田园歌

不要问我写诗为什么
一定要问就去问黄河
中华血脉绵绵五千年
没有诗歌就没有祖国


Don't Ask Me Why I Write Poetry

Author/Bu Bai
Translator/Qi Yun

Don't ask me why I write poetry
Please go to Miluo to find the key
Where Qu Yuan killed himself after thinking
I'll always remember his vanilla and beauty

Don't ask me why I write poetry
Please go to Pengze to find the answers
Where Tao Qian wrote the Peach Place
in my dreams I'll always chant his idylls

Don't ask me why I write poetry
Please go to Yellow River to find the replies
where China has got five thousand years history
There would be no motherland without their poe


Translator's notes:
1.Qu Yuan, born in 340 BC, is the first of the great romantic poet in China. He jumped into Miluo River to suicide after his political ideals shattered."vanilla", "beauty" are common words in his poems, are the symbols of himself.
2.Tao Qian, born in 365 AD, is the founder of chinese pastoral poetry.The Peach Place is his apocryphal "Utopia." He had been the head of Pengze County.Because he couldn't adapt the officialdom, he gave up the position of the head of county and higher pay, returned to his hometown to become a farmer,lived a poor and an ideal life.
3.The Yellow River, is a great river of China, is the birthplace of Chinese civilization.Its status in China, is similar to the Mississippi River in the United States, the Nile River in Egypt.

译者注：
1、屈原，生于公元前340年，是中国最早的伟大的浪漫主义诗人。他因政治理想破灭投入汩罗江自杀，“香草”、“美人”是他诗中常用的代表自己的意象。
2、陶潜，生于公元365年，是中国田园诗派的创始人，桃花源是他杜撰的“理想国”。他当过彭泽县县长，因为不习惯官场的庸俗，放弃了县长的职位和较高的薪酬，回到故乡务农，过上了清贫却理想的生活。
3、黄河，是中国的一条大河，是中华文明的发源地，在中国的地位，类似密西西比河在美国，尼罗河在埃及。

方北

呵，欣赏并敬佩

齐云

一首诗从不同人来译，可以彰显译者的不同风格和对诗歌不同角度的诠释，有益于诗歌翻译交流事业的发展。感谢 ...
一江秋水 发表于 2013-11-26 07:00

——不要自我批评，理解你。不过，等你在异国彻底安定后，希望能发挥所长，为汉英诗之间的交流做的更多。

一江秋水

一首诗从不同人来译，可以彰显译者的不同风格和对诗歌不同角度的诠释，有益于诗歌翻译交流事业的发展。感谢齐云和素素这么辛勤地工作。相比之下我可是懒散得很呢。深刻自我批评！

齐云

“另外，诗歌不能靠注解让人明白，个人认为采用意译更好。”——这个意见有道理。加上冗长的注，确实不象一首诗。素素采用“增译”的办法，一江采用意译的办法，都是一种解决办法。

齐云

彭泽是个县，不是一个湖，在鄱阳湖边。为使译诗更有诗意，确实可以考虑不使用彭泽县，而意译为鄱阳湖。
一江之译，多有精彩之处，特别最后一句诗眼的翻译， 在poetry前面加上个原文所无的chinese非常精彩。但感觉尾句译成There would be no China without their chinese poems更好，原因：把their加上，能连贯全诗；使用chinese culture 虽然逻辑上更明白一些，但不如China更与原诗相符和内涵更多、更出人意料。

一江秋水

最后一节第二行有点短了，可加上母亲一词，母亲黄河，以及调整第三行为了韵脚。即改成：
Don't ask me why I write poetry
Please listen to the mother, Yellow River
It witnessed China's five thousand year history
There would be no Chinese culture without Chinese poetry

一江秋水

Don’t ask me why I write poetry

Don’t ask me why I write poetry
You can get reply from Miluo River
Where the poet Qu Yuan dead for his country
But engraved his spirit of poetry in my heart forever

Don’t ask me why I write poetry
You can find answer in the Pengze Lake
Where the poet Tao Qian left a lifestyle dream
There flowers and peace fascinated me day and night

Don’t ask me why I write poetry
Please listen to the Yellow River
It witnessed five thousand year history of China
There would be no Chinese culture without Chinese poetry

齐云

多谢一江语法方面的指正。改。希望不吝常常指正。

一江秋水

先指出几处笔误：
文中屈原拼音Qu Yuan（g）；China永远要大写；五千年历史five thousand year(s) history; 还有poetry是诗歌的泛指，没有复数，具体诗歌要用poems。
另外，诗歌不能靠注解让人明白，个人认为采用意译更好。我在齐云译文的基础上试译了一下，以供切磋。