赵彦春英译《女人花》

诗酒自娱

赵彦春英译《女人花》

李安修 谱 曲：陈耀川 编 曲

-

我有花一朵，种在我心中
含苞待放意幽幽
朝朝与暮暮，我切切地等待
有心的人来入梦

-

女人花 摇曳在红尘中

女人花 随风轻轻摆动

只盼望 有一双温柔手

能抚慰 我内心的寂寞

-

我有花一朵，花香满枝头

谁来真心寻芳踪，花开不多时

啊堪折直须折，女人如花花似梦

我有花一朵，长在我心中

真情真爱无人懂，遍地的野草

已占满了山坡，孤芳自赏最心痛

-

女人花 摇曳在红尘中

女人花 随风轻轻摆动

只盼望 有一双温柔手

能抚慰 我内心的寂寞

-

女人花 摇曳在红尘中

女人花 随风轻轻摆动

若是你 闻过了花香浓

别问我 花儿是为谁红

-

爱过知情重。醉过知酒浓

花开花谢终是空

缘分不停留，像春风来又走

女人如花花似梦

-

缘分不停留，像春风来又走

女人如花花似梦

Woman Flower

Verse: Li Anxiu; Score: Chen Yaochuan; English Version: Zhao Yanchun

Flower I have one; in my heart you grow.

Like a smile, you bud to blow.

Day in and day out, I keenly wait for you,

You haven’t stirred my dream though.

Woman flower, in the dust you sway;

Woman flower, with the wind you stray.

How I wish your loving hand combed through

My heart so lonely, my heart so blue.

Flower I have one; your balm loads the sprays.

Who really follows your trace? The flower now blows.

Gather it while you may. A woman’s a dream, a rose.

Flower I have one, in my heart you glow

No one knows love, the love true, grass there and there, all

Over the slope crawls, I’m Daffodil, hurt, oh, no.

Woman flower, in the dust you sway;

Woman flower, with the wind you stray.

How I wish your loving hand combed through

My heart so lonely, my heart so blue.

Woman flower, in the dust you sway;

Woman flower, with the wind you stray.

If the balm comes to tickle your nose,

Don’t ask me for whom the bloom blows.

To know love you love; to know wine you drink.

All flowers fall, white or pink.

Nothing is to stay. Like spring wind it now goes.

A woman’s a dream, a rose.

Nothing is to stay. Like spring wind it now goes.

A woman’s a dream, a rose.

女人花 Sophia Kallgren版

Everything has changed, everything's arranged
ever since you close the door

I'm stronger everyday since you went away.
guess I will not cry anymore

all the night the darker than before
And the days I've learned to love them more
Even though you're somewhere here beside
Stay away. You don't live here anymore

I could've been captived all like it was before
when I thought our love was true
But everything's surreal.That is how I feel.
So I painted all in blue

Lots of memories live inside of me
even if our love has gone, maybe I was wrong
thought I'd be so strong.
Now I stay here all alone

all the night the darker than before
And the days I've learn to love them more
Even though you're somewhere here beside
Stay away. You don't live here anymore

All the night the darker than before

And the days I've learn to love than more
Even though you're somewhere here beside
Stay away. You don't live here anymore

All the night the darker than before
And the days I've learn to love than more
Even though you're somewhere here beside
Stay away. You don't live here anymore

Sometimes when it's cold, I long for you to hold.

Now I think I realize,

I have to change my mind, leave my dreams behind

Cause you don't live here anymore

I have to change my mind, leave my dreams behind

Cause you don't live here anymore

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诗酒自娱

译者赵彦英是著名翻译家，与曲径通幽甚为熟悉。
此诗翻译得怎样，我当然无从置喙。只好请曲径、齐云们来判断了。
都是原作是多么好的复合体格律体新诗哟，值得点赞！

无名子

我来说两句。
首先，标题不是那么合适。woman flower 在英语上是可以作如此的复合名词，但语义显得有点突兀，个见以为用flower of woman 会来得顺贴自然。


其次，诗中常将花开译作blow，本人就感觉很不妥贴。要注意，blow字在英语里有另外一些很不雅的意思。

无论如何，花开如何成了“吹”呢？是否译者有另外的深意？想不明白。用bloom就很好了。

无名子

How I wish your loving hand combed through 这一句好像有不少的文法错误：

1.  your loving hand 应该是众数--hands。

2. wish 后面不应该用过去时态，要吗用
    how I wish your loving hands to comb through 或者是
    how I wish your loving hands would comb through.
   

无名子

另一句who really follows your trace?也是有文法上的错误。

who字在英语可以是单数也可以是众数，要似乎场景。

Who are you？这里后面用上了you， 所以就用上are了。

同理，在Who is Tom？就得用上is了。

然而，在后文没有阐明的时候，who 就会当作是众数来处理。

所以在这里就应该说who really follow your trace.

无名子

再看一句 grass there and there,

在英语里，只有here and there, 没有there and there 的用法。

无名子

至于内容翻译得是否传神，无名就不敢多言了。

我不认识赵彦英，但是从以上的基础文法错误来说，这翻译的水平还是值得商榷的。